Wait until you both have the time and ability to focus. You may want to sit down at the kitchen table with a bottle of wine and run through every question. Or you can take one or two questions at a time, see how that goes. Long drives, quiet walks, a dinner date, chilling on the couch (TV off)–all these are good settings. Answer only those questions that seem interesting or important to you. But note those that don’t; perhaps they’ll become relevant in the future.

Is it vital to reach agreement?
Absolutely not. You don’t need a laundry list of perfectly synchronized answers. If you happen to agree, that’s wonderful. If you don’t, fine. Knowing your partner’s thoughts and feelings is always good.

And if discussion is just too uncomfortable, each partner can write down his or her answers, and then swap (or not), or the willing partner can simply keep a journal of answers. Giving language to these feelings in any form can be beneficial.

Isn’t this a little scary? What if these questions uncover something we don’t want to hear?
Let’s face it: Our partner is going to disappoint us, make us mad, even bore us! It pays to find a way to discuss our feelings with both honesty and kindness. Better to talk now than to wait until someone gets really mad or becomes numb. The point is to create an atmosphere where differences and fears surface in a way that creates more intimacy, instead of less. Be brave.