20 Questions for When the Honeymoon is Over

Susan PiverTango
Jun 30, 2007

Source: Tango

The honeymoon can last five days or five years, but at some point the heat and hormones subside. Susan Piver, author of the New York Times bestseller The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say “I Do , “ believes that’s when “the real fun begins.” Oh, yeah? “Romance can never last, but intimacy can never end,” explains Piver, who created these 20 new”phase two” questions exclusively for Tango . She talks with us about her eye-opening exercise for anyone who has made a commitment–and is committed to making it last.

Does romance really have to die?
Yes, sadly. I’ve tried to think of a softer way to say that, but all I come up with are new-age platitudes. The Hard Questions first occurred to me when i was thinking about getting married. I was scared. Most of the couples I knew were either getting a divorce or, even worse, in some kind of lifeless relationship. Sure, I loved my boyfriend, but all these other people were in love when they got married, too. So what would make us different? I realized that none of my past relationships ended due to lack of love–they ended because one of us (OK, me) didn’t love our life together.

I didn’t know enough about the life Duncan (now my husband) and I would be sharing. Initially, we asked things like “Will we keep our money together, or separate?” or “Do we have a religion?” or “How comfortable are we with each other’s level of ambition?” When we began to answer, something wonderful happened. We started to get to know each other beyond love and sex.
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